Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Up, Up, and Away

For my 30th birthday I decided it would be fun and exciting to do something crazy to commemorate my milestone. I chose skydiving. Unfortunately, my jump was canceled due to weather. I rescheduled and again it was canceled. And again. And again. That entire summer, every time I rescheduled it was canceled due to weather issues. I  was really disappointed, but the more I thought about it- the more I thought...was this a 'sign' that I wasn't supposed to jump? Thoughts began swirling around in my head. Was God saying "No" because He knew I was going to die and wanted to protect me? I ended up not going and losing my deposit.

Fast forward two years later. My 32nd birthday was rushing towards me like a Japanese bullet train and I was dreading it. Never in a million years did I imagine I would become a bereaved parent at 32. Ava was due June 19th and my birthday was June 7th. I didn't want to celebrate my 'birth' day. How could I when my own daughter wouldn't be? My belly should have been bulging with the life of our daughter and instead I was grieving what never was to come. Our family would never experience her kisses, her giggles, her smiles, her tears,  her coos,  her snuggles, her birthdays, her milestones, etc...everything a parent hopes for, dreams for, and longs for.

The weekend of my 32nd birthday, I came home from running errands and discovered a note from my husband informing me that he was whisking me away for a surprise birthday getaway. He took me to one of my favorite vacation spots - Cannon Beach, Oregon. That next morning he woke me up really early and announced we were going for a drive and to dress comfortably.....

 I soon learned that he had scheduled a surprise skydive for me.

The weather was perfect. Soaring and flying above the clouds at 14,000 feet was breathtaking. It was the closest I had been to Ava since she died and it will probably be the closest I will ever be again until I meet her in heaven. Those moments floating were so meaningful and a huge healing process in my grief. I got to be as close as I humanly could to her - on my birthday. As we began to descend, my instructor asked if I wanted to hang out in a cloud for a bit. "Not many people can say that they've hung out in a cloud!" he remarked. Of course I took him up on the opportunity. He had me take over steering the parachute and directed me to a huge cloud. We circled around, inside several times. Those moments in that cloud were indescribable. It reminded me of the beautiful Precious Moments piece that David gave me for Mothers Day. I felt connected to Ava in a way I had never felt before.

I realize now that two years ago, God wasn't saying "No, don't jump." Instead, He was saying, "Wait Sarah. Wait for MY perfect timing because your skydive is going to be more meaningful than you will ever imagine."