Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Missing You

Cannon Beach, OR.

I wrote your name into the sand, but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart and forever it will stay.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Precious Moments

One of the things that has helped my grieving heart has been perusing Pinterest for miscarriage blogs and quotes. Knowing I'm not the only Mommy grieving the death of my child has helped me not feel so alone in this horrific journey. I started a Pinterest Board called: Empty Arms -Miscarriage and one night during a search, I stumbled across this Precious Moments figurine picture that someone had pinned.

Mommy's Love Goes With You

I was immediately drawn to this Precious Moments figurine as it depicted so much meaning and emotion.  I showed it to my husband and mentioned that I would love it for Mother's Day. David tried buying it, but it was completely sold out. I was really disappointed. 

However, on Mother's Day David surprised me with a box. When I unwrapped it, I discovered this Precious Moments figurine with Ava Grace inscribed on the cloud:

"Forever Embraced In God's Warm Love"

Oh, how the tears flowed! It was beautiful and I was so touched that he had it personalized. It was one of the best Mother's Day gifts a grieving Mother could hope for. I will cherish it forever.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Memorial Tattoos

 When our son Gideon was born four years ago, David and I chose to have his name tattooed on our right arms.  This past weekend was Mother's Day. It was bittersweet as I celebrated being a Mother to a son on earth and a daughter who is in heaven. To honor and remember our precious angel Ava, David and I went to 9 Lives Tattoo in Seaside, OR. and had her name tattooed on our left arms as a memorial.

inside of my left wrist

David's left arm

I couldn't keep from tearing up when Josh finished my piece. For me, the wrist is a particularly perfect spot as the artery there connects to the heart, and that's where our children will always dwell. There is something so beautiful about seeing  my daughter's name in ink - an expression and tribute to her short life here on earth.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Family of Four

This past weekend, someone very aware of our recent miscarriage asked my husband if and when we were going to try for our second child. He replied, “We’re thinking and praying about trying for our third child soon.” They responded confused and asked, “Third?” David said, “Yes, our third,” at which point they realized what he meant and nodded in acknowledgement. 

Some people assume that because our daughter is dead, that she can't be counted as part of our family. That is the furthest thing from the truth. As Lori Ennis writes, "It’s not inappropriate to count them as family members.  Their hearts stopped beating.  When mine stops, I’ll still be remembered as Lori…wife…mother.   Hearts no longer beating do not negate family memberships."

It adds to our grief when people close to us forget the reality that we have a second child. We understand that it was not their dreams that were shattered in an instant, however Ava is still a part of us and will always be a part of our family. 

Ava Grace is in our hearts and will forever be in our memories.

I am a Mother of two. We are a family of four.